Yong baru balik dari ziarah kawan Yong di Hospital Ampang.
She had been diagnosed with mediastial bcell lymphoma, few days after last year's raya.

Bila sampai di wad,
sesungguhnya Yong jadi speechless bila tengok keadaan pesakit kanser di situ.
Some were squirming in pain, some were so weak, and there were few who looked as fresh as a daisy.
It brings me back of what I've experienced back in year 2007.

Kalau Yong cuba flashback ingatan Yong masa mula2 Yong tahu yang Yong kena kanser,
terus terang Yong cakap....dalam hati ni takde apa2 melainkan nangis, nangis, nangis.......
Yong pun tak faham, kenapa Yong menangis.
Kalau doktor kata "Zeeda, saya suspek awak mungkin kena denggi"...Yong nangis ke? Kemungkinan besar, tidak. Tapi kenapa bila dapat tahu kena kanser, reaksinya harus menangis??

Anyway, it's good to remember back what was happen during that challenging time.
Chronology seperti ini....

1) May 2006, Danish genap setahun dan Yong disahkan mengandung lagi.
Yong terkejut dengan news ni, tapi syukur, rezeki anak masih milik Yong.
Sepanjang mengandung, tidak ada alahan. Selera makan, tok sah sembang la..mak boyot punya makan, macam 2 hari tak makan!
Yop pun macam biasa, husband yang very the caring daring,
helped me a lot with house chores dan juga sangat bagus dari segi melayan nafsu makan Yong...best!

Masa tengah lepak2 kat balkoni rumah, Yong duduk atas benteng sambil kaki terjuntai.
Seronok hayun kaki..rasa relax sangat.
Bila turun dari benteng tu, kaki kiri Yong rasa tersentap!
sENGAL semacam. Ngilu pun ada.
Yop ambil minyak gamat....Yop urut kaki Yong.
Sepanjang mengandung tu...Yong rasa kekadang sengal, kekadang tidak.
Yong fikir, mungkin perut Yong ni berat benar sampai sakit lutut dibuatnya...mungkin...

2) 26 January 2007, lahirnya Sophea yang bulat gebu gedebab.
3kg je tapi macam nak keluarkan teddy bear. Rambut lebat, bibir sexy.
Memang kali pertama Yong tengok muka Sophea masa doctor angkat dia,
first perkataan yang keluar dari mulut Yong "amboi, seksinya bibir!"...
yep, tebal macam Angelina Jolie.

3) 25 February 2007, Yong baru sebulan dalam pantang,
tapi Yong yang memang jenis tak tahu duduk diam ni, decided to take a walk around town. Dalam masa yang sama, Yong kena renew roadtax Optimus Prime yang dah nak padam ni.
Bila sampai di pejabat Affin Bank, Yong memanjat le tangga untuk ke pejabat hire purchase tingkat 1. Bila menapak naik tangga, sengal tu datang balik. Pehal ni?
Tak kan lutut longgar.
I was thinking, oh..maybe dislocated knee cap, or wear and tear problem.

Lepas settle hidupkan roadtax & insurance,
Yong pun drive ke Orthopedic Clinic yang dekat dengan rumah Yong.

First check-up, doktor pegang kedua2 belah lutut Yong.

Doctor: "one of your knee is a bit warmer than the other"
Yong: "okay, what does that mean?"
Doctor: "I can't tell you for sure. We need to do an x-ray to see what's the problem here."
Yong: "Sure, whatever you say."

I still remember the jeans I was wearing that day. Three quarter length jeans with buckles on both side. Bought at Giordano. (Humm...where did I keep that jeans anyway?)

Doctor: " Zeeda, as you can see, there is a hole in your bone. You can see it right here"
(he's pointing to a hollow part of my x-ray film, somewhere in my bone).

Well...I'm not a radiologist, so hollow or not, it does not make any sense at all.

Yong: "Well, doctor...why do I have a hole in my bone? Is it normal to have a hole in a bone?"

Don't get me wrong, I know nothing bout bone. I just know my skin..hehehe.

Yong: "So doctor, what's next? Hundred calcium tablets per day?"
Doctor: "No....I'm afraid, we need to do you a bone biopsy."

Woah...what the heck is biopsy?
Never heard of this term before. That words failed me...couldn't think of anything.
I thought I just heard aliens speaking in their Cybertron language.

I went back home. Puzzled.
Told my mum, and I made her puzzled too.
Maybe both of us should play jigzaw puzzle to see who's puzzled enough with this news.

So, we fixed a date for biopsy in Strand Medical Centre in Sungai Petani.
I thought everything gonna be painless..and I was wrong.
Right after the anaesthetic drug say bye2 to me...
the pain was..okay, uhum..ahaaaa...urghhhhhh.....ouchhHHHH!!!!
Wouhuuuu...damn this pain!

I don't exactly remember on what date I walked for the second time to the doctor's clinic for the heart breaking news.
And I don't even remember who I came with. But I'm sure with someone.
Was it my hubby? Or my mum?

We were sitting next to each other, facing doctor's plain face.
Doctor: "The result came back. The hole in your bone is not a hole. It's a tumour."
Yong: "Tumour??"

Again....I was lost in translation. What the heck a tumour doing in my bone.
What is tumour anyway??

Doctor: "At this point of time, I can say that you have a benign tumour.
So you should worry less about it. If it's a malignant..you need to undergo a chemotheraphy."
Yong: "Ha? Say what? Is this a cancer?"
Doctor: "Yes, but it's benign. We call it giant cell tumour."

Okay...benign..malignant...Cybertron language again?
Hellooooo....translation anyone?

I looked at whoever next to me and that person does the same.
We lost our bearing and became as silent as a graveyard.

Doctor doesn't stop right there. Not just yet.
Doctor: "I advise you to meet my mentor, Professor Dr. Zulmi Wan, he is the head of Oncology Orthopedic in HUSM, Kubang Kerian. He is one of the best expert in this kind of field, the best in South East Asia. I'll give you my referral letter. He'll know what to do."

Fuhhh....I thought things just gonna stop right here.
But for what it's worth...we had to travel to Kelantan for...,
honestly...at that point of time, I had no idea what was it for.

We were there (my Yop and I), two weeks later.
Prof was so friendly with us...I can't believe that he's one of the big cheese in that hospital.
Down to earth guy.
He made us feel so comfortable despite the bigC words that keeps coming out from his mouth.
Ironic, isn't it?

Although the first diagnosis by the BP Lab confirmed it was a giant cell tumour,
Prof refused to agree with it.
He said: "I need that block (biopsy sample), and let me do the test myself."

Haiyaaa......why can't we just go over with it and forget the whole enchilada?
Enough said...we can never argue about medical thing with doctors. They are smarter, right?

Without further a do...we gave him the 'block', and waited for another sad love song.

Things aren't getting better right after that.

A phone ring confirmed my worst nightmare. The block says it all.
Its a high grade of fibroblastic osteosarcoma.
Yep...that's another cybertron words.
And this is much harder to understand than the first diagnosis
What more can I say? This is just a tip of the iceberg.
Worst is yet to come.

Felt like death just warmed up, it's the perfect time....'to cry a river'!